Hey thanks all for advice!
I think i'll elaborate a little. Im 24, i started drinking seriously when i was 16. Just weekends but quite heavy. I moved into a large squatted place when i turned 17. Everyday was partyday and i had a period i which i drank nonstop with friends. Then i met my exgirlfriend. I moved to Finnish-Lapland with her. Handled the booze well. Then there were periods were i spent half a year here alone. This is were the booze hit me. Made me feel bad instead of fun. It took me awhile to realize though. We broke up to different reasons then drinking entirely and i met with my current partner.
The drinking didnt turn fun though. I realized this and talked it over with especially my girlfriend. I didnt just realize i was getting bad-drunks, i realized i didnt even look forward to drinking or parties all together anymore. I found this uhmmm weird. Everyone was partying and werent they enjoying themselves? Maybe this time i'll just fit in?
Well i stopped drinking then because i realized that i didnt get from life what i wanted from it and i realized alcohol only served to keep me away from what i wanted. Not drinking went okay, i didnt drink for quite some time and honestly the biggest problem was acceptence from my social-surroundings. People found it weird when i declined their beer and honestly i felt offended when everyone was being bought beer then they would look at me and offered me nothing instead. I know its because they're not used to thinking about these things but it feels painful.
I havent so much felt the need to drink for the sake of getting drunk, i feel the need to drink to fit in this fucking party mode because honestly i don't enjoy these loud music screaming into each other's ears thing if im not drunk. Big reveal: of course i dont enjoy it when im drunk !!! im just fucking annoyed and drunk at the same time. Not a good deal if you ask me.
So the WHOLE alcohol thing makes me sad and angry. I know that and i realize this fully and honestly. It seems there are people out there that are enjoying themselves with it but i guess were not all the same. The biggest hurdle is that sometimes people i love and care about connect and share a bond trough getting drunk and im left out. They handle themselves much better then i do when drunk, though i've realized there are alot of people with alcohol problems there too.
So last week i got drunk. And it was just stupid you know. Screaming and being stubborn beyond reason that kindof bullshit. And true lots of drunk people act like this. But i just do it whenever i get drunk. everytime. And actually what i thought the next day was: I was right when i stopped drinking last time. There is nothing to be gained for me in that direction. I've talked with my dad and i see how much happier he's become. And if i can stop drinking for almost a year, then why the hell can i not stop drinking alltogether ? I've stopped smoking without intent to start again next year, for almost the same reasons. I was fed up with it. Sick of it. And stopped. This time im gonna kick out the fucking booze!
Did i tell you i didnt like those parties anyway??? !!!
thanks for letting me rant !