Whining and bitching and being emo

[system]

I first got majorly spurred into anti-civilization ideas several years ago, when I was still in high school. This happened at the same time that I had learned about other imminent disasters associated with the coming collapse of civilization, such as pollution, peak oil, human overpopulation, and the whole medley of other issues. Needless to say, it strongly influenced my course of action.

I graduated from high school but never got a job, or went to college, as my knowledge of looming crises led me to believe that anything I did other than learning how to live in the wilderness was going to be worthless. (People thought I was crazy, of course!) Additionally,

I really WANTED to do it, anyway - I was strongly attracted at that time to learn how to live in the wilderness also because I had long been distraught by consumer society - namely, the work and materialism elements of it. I hated work, and realized that a life without a job would mean having to be more self-sufficient!

Thus, my distaste for mainstream society was already leading me on the path to wanting to learn how to be more self-sufficient to be FREE - This, COMBINED with everything I had been about PEAK OIL, ecological deterioration, etc, ALL SIMULTANEOUSLY, led my mind to “crack” and that’s when I discovered “Green Anarchy” magazine, and so I was fully HOOKED and I was totally an anti-civ person for a long time.

But years have passed, and the routine mental illness I deal with on a daily basis is a severe drain on my drive to actually do so many things. Also, due to be being a very socially inept person (fascinating that I find this to be a common theme among other anti-civ minded people);finding other like-minded people is exceedingly diffuclt for me, and isolation on these matters is not a good thing.

However, as the years have passed for me now, a lot of my thinking has changed and shifted back and forth. For example, I had a phase in which I totally withdrew from anti-civ thinking because I felt that it had boxed me into a mind trap that prevented me from being able to relate to other people. I have gone through phases where I thought it was all just another fad for me; and that I was succuming to a dangerous group-think ideology here.

So, over time, I have grown more confused, and more apathetic and drained. Something has happened to me. My fascination with nature and wanting to live a feral existence seems like “blah” to me these days, as though a part of my proverbial soul has long since withered away. I don’t experience as much emotion as I used to and am very unresponsive for the most part. But I am still “in-tune” enough to recognize what is happening to me.

It’s been very, VERY difficult for me to maintain a positive attitude, especially with recent knews about more disasters going on in the world (california wildfires, oil almost at $100/barrel, southeastern drought, etc). The general sour attitude of everything makes me feel hopeless; sometimes wanting to totally shut down and get ready to be willing to die when shit gets really bad.

I feel this is another contributing negative factor - i no longer ENJOY going out to the woods these days because I am so “survival” minded and feel as though time is rapidly running out. One of the great things about the anti-civ mindset is that living in nature is intrinsically a good and desirable thing and I think that is a much healthier way of going about it than with the “survivalist” mindset. Nonetheless, how I feel now is how I feel.

I WANT to rediscover my passion for this. Even though I was still fucked up, I at least considered something to be important back then. I feel so defeated these days, it’s as though I’m waiting for things to finally explode and for me just get slaughtered in some catastrophe in the isolated life situation that I’m currently in; and just get it over with. I don’t know why I am feeling so down; I have no reason (relative to when I did have the zeal) for this…

Just venting some of my frustrations. It’s good that a forum like this exists!

[TonyZ]

I’m glad you chose to share with us. I think many of us are and have, gone through the same things you are going through.

here’s a piece of advice, for you to take or leave. Try not to be focused on ‘the world’ and return your perception back to yourself. You talk about routine mental illness. What has your journey been? How have you help yourself, how have others help you? Focusing on these small things are extremely powerful.

Your mind, as much as you wish it wouldn’t, is ill, adn you are confused, because you still haven’t found the answer to your deepest question.

I suspect your question is something like ‘what will make me happy’. And you’ve tried a lot of things, from what I just read. You don’t seem to be the average feral human being banging away at the keyboard.

I also believe that part of your emotional challenge is to let go of novelty. It was all very interesting while you were still learning new things, but once you reached your goal of ‘survivability’ you were left with little to push you forward.

In order to help myself become more emotionally well, I am embarking on a huge writing project that perhaps could give you hope, too.

What we need to do is to direct our anger elsewhere. Often, it is said, that being ‘angry’ is ‘wrong’ or that one should ‘fight fire with fire’ or that even one should , hahaha, “simply” not be angry at all!

My solution, and I must be esoteric at this point(pardon me), is to fight fire with water. I know, it’s revolutionary, but I believe it will work.

We must not see anger and emotion as something to work through, or leave behind. We must see our emotions as the water and wind in which we sail, not the rudder and sail. Without our emotions, we are dead in the water. Without the friction of the rudder against the water, and the wind against the sails, we are spinning in circles, or going nowhere at all.

You are dizzy. I can tell. My vertigo was acting up halfway through your post

Stop tuning into modern culture. Let it go. They will take care of themselves, or not, you know you have nothing to do with it already, why cause that needless suffering? Deal with the people you need to deal with, not with the people you are told to deal with. Use your keen skills of observation and turn them on yourself. This is what I have done, and now I’m prepared to actually create a vision that I think a lot of people could get a lot out of.

There is serious help on the way, I know I am doing my part, and that others are doing their part. Right now, get yourself healthy and ready to work, there is a lot at stake, as you know.

Whine, bitch, vent (please don’t be emo, though ), it’s a good thing.

Viva El Proyecto Pulmonar Segundo!

[jhereg]

well, gosh, halfway thru your post, i intended on putting a moderately sized reply together, but… well, TonyZ already covered everything!

[Andrew_Jensen]

I want to cover one thing: the whole “social ineptness” thing. If (big If) there’s a theme of social ineptness among rewilders, it’s only because we don’t get as caught up in patterns of social behavior as others might. Which, if you think about it, is the whole reason rewilders aviod getting caught up in modern destructive culture. An awful lot of people are completely aware of all the issues, but are so caught up following the patterns of social behavior that they can’t stop. Me, I’m on the fence.

I’m gonna share a revelation, and maybe it’ll help a bit. If the collapse of civilization happens in our lifetime, a lot of people will choose to die with it. A lot (maybe most) people believe they cannot live without civ, and when it goes they will Voluntarily choose to go with it. These are people who could possibly survive, and choose not to.

There is nothing wrong with that. In fact, in some ways I see some nobility in it, like the proverbial captain and his ship. I envision people who choose to spend their last days playing WOW with as many people as can still connect until they starve at their computers. Many of my friends would probably go that way.

And the collapse may not happen in our lifetime. They may stave it off into the future far enough that we won’t be around for it.

So if you’ve gotten into rewilding with a “survive the apocalypse” mindset, remind yourself that A: the apocalypse may not happen to you, and B: no-one said you had to survive if you don’t feel like it. Once you take that out of the equation, then rewilding stops being a chore and starts being something you do because it’s fun, or meaningful, or a path to freedom. What’s left is what you would do regardless of the state of the world.

I don’t know, is that helpful or more depressing? I cheered up Immensely when I discovered that I didn’t have to worry about the apocalypse in order to justify my rewilding.

[TrollSplinter]

Yeah, fer sure. That’s some good stuff Andrew.

[thereandback]

Hey all, just wanted to let you know I posted about this in the “language” board, in pilosophy folder, so read it if you want to, I just felt likee re-railing the conversation when someone’s in pain isn’t the right time/place. Alright, take care all.