Self-Reflection


#1

So, over the last few days I’ve had a mosaic of weirdness piece itself together. I had a stinky collaborative storytelling experience, some difficult family stuff, and then a work relationship ended with someone I respected and thought I knew writing me off as a “wacko” (and not because of my rewilding, either!).

Sometimes I wonder if the civilized world waits until you feel a little off, then stressors smell blood and pounce all at once. In any case, it has caused me to reflect. What does it mean to deal honestly and clearly with people? How can I continue to improve my ability to spot weirdness (my own and other’s) before it starts monkeying with my life (or at least before it does too much damage)?

At times like these I also need a reminder of my own sanity and sincerity. And I’ve realized what I tend to do, pretty consistently: I look at my friends and family. I feel very proud of the friends in my life. Most of them I see as heroes, most of them teach me something new (often without realizing it) every time we hang out. I really love my friends, and feel their support. My family really rocks too. Though none of them rewild in the way I do, I see them take steps in following their hearts all the time now(and it took me a long time to see this).

Thinking about it, I have worked my ASS off to get this community of friends and family, however tiny. I really have worked my clarity and agreement stuff pretty hard. I’ve stepped away from toxic relationships, and owned as much of my own crap as I could stomach. I’ve really challenged myself to rewild my own adulthood, and I think it has paid off for moments like these. I still see true village and extended family a long way off (and then when I get it, then I’ll have to bust my ass to MAINTAIN it), but whew. I gotta say, for anyone out there wondering about the light at the end of the tunnel: you get handed a pretty sweet lantern early on, when you rewild with these priorities, I think.

Just telling mah story.


#2

Good story.

I’m glad you have people that you can go to for a dose of sanity. I still struggle with that, and probably always will. I remember how hellish life seemed before I found anyone that could do that for me.


#3

Family and friends are a great balm on the wounds civilization inflicts on us. I always feel better getting together with my parents, siblings, and ridiculously cute 2 year old nephew who reaches for mugs and yells out “coffee!” excitedly (between me, my partner (she got me addicted to coffee in the first place), and the boy’s parents, we’ve set him up to be a coffee addict like us :P). My friends situation has only improved slightly since my rant some months ago, but it’s still relieving to have this community, no matter how slowly it’s coming together.

As for you being a wacko, I can’t say for sure, but I was only one class away from getting a second bachelors degree in psychology on top of my anthro degree, and I can say you don’t seem wonky (to use the technical term :P)


#4

This is a question that torments me ceaselessly. I find myself exhausted with the effort of walking the tightrope, balancing between the extremes of becoming the false entity I’ve been taught is my proper role and becoming my true self. Lately the odd thought keeps running through my mind, “I will just tattoo my face and be done with it.” My logical self tells me that this permanent sign to the world would force people to take me as I am and not how they imagine me, and it would force my own self soul to stay on my true path and never look back.