I just watched this video that I borrowed from my local library. I find this doctor’s insight into children very impressive.
My wife and I used the tips we learned from his other video The Happiest Baby on the Block and had a lot of success with the tips he provides.
The Toddler video basically points out that children at that age are too emotional to reason with the same way you could with an older child. He says they basically think like tiny cavemen. (I imagined the Geico cavemen getting pissed off again.) They grunt and point to communicate, and if we can’t understand them or they don’t get what they want, they get pissed off and throw a fit. Basically, you need to express their emotions for them in words with a lot of repetition and mirroring their same level of frustration: “You want that! You want that! You want that toy, and Daddy won’t let you have it!”
Once they calm down from having their emotions mirrored back to them, then you can begin to communicate with them more rationally: “But Daddy won’t let you have it because it’s not a toy. It’s a bow-drill spindle, and it’s really hot right now from busting a coal.” And then offer a solution or distraction if possible: “But you can play with these other willow branches that are fun to bang on things with.”
I haven’t had a chance to try it with my son (13 mos) yet, since I just watched it last night, and he was asleep when I left for work this morning. I’ll let you know how well it goes.