My narrative teases.
You could call me ‘he-who-pokes’
I’m actually more offended you called my original statement ‘advice’. There’s a difference between a ‘friend’ suggesting another friend ‘man-up’ and quit getting punked by old men with nothing better to do that punk the youngin’s, and doing something like constructive criticism, re-stating the rules of conduct, or out and out missing the point.
Am I rude for not parsing your message, paragraph by paragraph, and responding to each individual item? You don’t understand how I am throughly annoyed by this behavior, mostly for personal issues I’ll get into later. But Because it seems like you put a lot of time into it, I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt that you care enough to use your time for those ends, but you really tested me with your last sentence. That last paragraph, it was going real well, it sounded like it should have been a sticky note at the top of the forum, but I’m not sure how to respond to aggressive-aggressive hints like
on what other forum besides rewild.info can I post this thing that I need to say?
I see how this was very constructive:
To reiterate - will you meet my needs for sincere and useful exchange here, in the form of checking your posts according to this measure: did I tell my story (instead of offering unsolicited advice)? did I ask a question (instead of assuming)?
But that was only two-thirds. The other third was, just, well, you left a bad taste in my mouth. Not because of what you said, but that it was your closing remark.
If ANYONE thinks I did or said ANYTHING worthy of having the ultimate tribal punishment meted out, then I’ll leave, with no regrets. Seriously, is really that offensive to ‘offer unsolicited advice’ to suggest someone go elsewhere? Maybe you meant it more benignly, more lovingly, than I’m taking it, but when someone parses up my language like you did, and signs it with the kiss of death, like you did, all I can hear are my years of Fighting with Chris Hardie over Ishcon. He and I made that conference what it was, and he pushed me out very rationally, made it very easy for me to want out, so he could have it to himself. Well, the very first conference I wasn’t at, the idea of Ishcon folded. I dont’ have that place here, and I like not having the pressure. I still have that voice, though, that penetrating ‘tonyness’, I just wish it was more useful, more understood, taken in a lighter context, hell, any other context, other than offensive.
I think the problem I have is being so emotional, and not being able to truly gauge the emotions of others, without having their body language (I’m missing the 90 percent I’m used to working very well with).
I would like to stay around if it can be accepted I’m going through a process, not trying to ‘punk’ everyone down to my level. If you can handle that I’m going to let you down from time to time, then I’m in this thing, for real. If not, then I still have friends.
I think we need a lot of elders. We need people to be patient with us, and not let us be feral, but wild human beings. We have to address our emotional issues, our cultural resonances, and I think a big part of addressing them is expressing them.
As the leader of my physical group, I’m used to dealing with bigger problems like, hey Jason, could you not eat a bunch of bars (Xanax) at the next campout, or hey Kristen, could you stop lying to people, or Kyle, would you please un-shoot yourself in the face. Those are real names, real people, adn real problems who will never see this site, and this is my ‘back-end’ work, my challege, the bridges I’m trying to build.
I’ll admit, I am trying to learn from ya’ll. And I’m doing my best to bridge the well-educated with myself, the high-school and college dropout. I know I’m a smart-mutherfucker, but I’m under-educated, in the 49th worst state for public education, having been a student at the worst public school system in that state (Indianapolis Public Schools), I see that there are currents and things that people see differently than I do, especially when it comes to writing. I’m not sharing this for pity; I’m sharing this because I’m trying to understand how in the hell I’m supposed to go from ‘yo mama is SOO fat…’ to tell a story, ask a question, or don’t post. Cause I’m smart enough to know about loaded questions, I’m intuitive enough to feel why people ask certain questions, and I don’t want to be disingenious.
Mechanically, it’s hard for me to see how big of a change a sentence like:
Get over deconstructing everyone's behavior.
makes more sense as:
(I wish we could)
Get over deconstructing everyone's behavior.
Because I feel like I’m losing my intent. I guess, I never had that class where I learned how to be offended by the imperative tense. Okay, that’s not fair, but still, I’m used to being okay with the imperative verbal tense.
I appreciate your time, but honestly, I appreciate Andrew’s advice much more, it makes me feel less disapproved of.
I guess I can say it. People beat me up all the time for not conforming to the rules of langauge, or for misspeaking. I really feel bad for George Bush, for people hurting him because of his own swiss-cheese education. His excuse was that he was rich, he didn’t have to learn, my excuse was that I was poor, it didn’t matter if I learned or not.
He-who-moderates, maybe it wasn’t you, but I would like to tthink of you as the person that said I was ‘didactic’. It was the first time I felt like I was okay. Here is me, feeling like I’m not okay in the eyes of my elders…
