Fired for "lack of enthusiasm, growth"

Visions of the Rewilding Renaissance Grief & Praise
#1

SO I guess I have all the time in the world now. My job decided to let me go.

Honestly, there are only 2 reasons this bothers me, and both of them are my wife. My wife values employment. So much so that last year she worked a part time job for 3 months even though it cost herr more money to get there than she made. I seriously fear that if I remain unemployed too long she will divorce me. She’s already made me feel completely worthless.

The other reason is that even though I know I can find a way to live without getting a new job, I also know that she wouldn’t be willing to live that lifestyle. She reacts with hostility to “voluntary simplicity”, much less anything like rewilding.

With most people, I have to just chalk it up to civilization, but I can directly see how my wife’s family made her like this. Ever since we got married she’s been trying to put together a life that they would respect, in order to try to win the approval they’ve withheld fom her all her life. But any life they would respect, I can’t live. It’s just not possible. And now for the second time in the last year, I’ve been fired from an office job because I refuse to make my career my life’s ambition. She’ll never beleive I can hold down a job again, and because she’s been taught that your job is the end-all be-all of one’s worth, I can’t prove I’m worth anything anymore.

blah.

#2

Hey Andrew,

I’m not really that experienced with marriage and so on but I would say be true to yourself first and foremost. Relationships require sacrifice on both sides, but only to a certain degree. You shouldn’t have to become someone other than yourself in order to be with another person. It’s important to remain true to your inner self and follow your dreams/goals/ambitions that come from the heart. I remember one quote that said “When you wake up in the morning, encourage yourself, no one else will do it for you.” In any case, hang in there and I hope things work out.

#3

I’m so sorry, Andrew.

I can relate to a lot of what you’re saying about your wife, her perspectives, where they come from, and how they affect you. I have sat teetering on the edge of divorce for quite a while myself. It really shakes up your world and fucks with your brain and your heart when you don’t feel connected – even more so when you feel actually rejected – by the person you chose to live your life with.

Sandwalker makes a good point about the line you have to draw in terms of sacrifice. It’s like the whole sustainability argument which you mentioned in another thread – it’s not just about taking less; it’s about giving back more than you take. In terms of marriage, it comes down to the fact that each person needs to feel like they’re getting something for what they’re giving, and the “something” that they’re getting has to really feel worth it.

I hope that you can make things work. Whether that means finding a way to make the marriage work, or finding a way to move beyond the marriage. And I hope the best for you as you try to figure that out.

#4

Well, that conversation has happened and is over now.

It’s weird, and I noticed it last time I got canned too, but she relaxes much more after I loose my job. It’s like, if I have a job, she’s always stressing about how I’m going to lose it, but once I do lose it, it’s more of a releif than a disaster. Today I dropped Cameron off at school, and we’ve hung out all morning. Later today I’ll pick him up instead of having him in after school care, which will be nice. I’ll get more than 2 hours a day with him this way. And my big task for today is to clean and reorganize the kitchen so it’s fit to cook in.

I’m going to put at least enough effort into trying to make ends meet without a job as I am in trying to get a job. Maybe more. I can stay on unemployment for up to a year, provided I “contact at least 3 potential employers each week”. If I get the same amount I did last time, I think we can live off that and my wife’s income. If that’s the case, I’ll put off getting a new job until I absolutely have to. Or I’ll find one that pays in cash underr the table so I can stay. Even when I have to, I think I’ll trry for contract work, consultant work or part time work, so I don’t have to do the 8 hour day.

#5

cool, i hope things work out.

you know, not to trivialize what you’re going through, but your situation kind of reminds of this:

Alas, it wasn't to be. Mom and Daddy started arguing all the time. About money, of course. When they didn't have any, they didn't argue about it when they did, they did.

from Possum Living

#6

wow, possum living! ;D i read a bunch of that site a few years ago and it inspired some new questions in me (the early sparks of my rewilding!), like how tangled up do we actually HAVE to get in the life-sucking economic quagmire of dollars and jobs? lately i’ve tried unsuccessfully to track it down again, but couldn’t remember the name. thanks, jhereg!

andrew–woo hoo! sounds like a good thing found you, disguised as trouble. no matter how you get it, more time to spend with your kid rocks!

i hope you & your partner find equilibrium around the new situation. my 2 cents on long term commitments? when the pressure is on, something has to give. maybe it forces growth for one of you or both, or you realize the relationship could take another shape that works better for everyone (the recent zen story comes to mind, though i’m really not trying to push you off the “divorce fence”, if you’re even on it, and certainly not promoting abandonment).

also, from my life experience: like your wife, i jumped on that train, someone else’s train, of adopting for myself our culture’s expectations for what one “is supposed to do” with their life. i stayed asleep on the train for a long time before the pressure of some exceedingly shitty circumstances forced me to wake up and recognize that what i felt and wanted didn’t match what i was doing at all, and that no one but me could tell me what to do. if the “shitty circumstances” hadn’t thunderstruck me, no way would i have left a 17 year relationship. i’d probably still be asleep on the train (curled in a fetal position under the seat, by now).

funny what you said about relaxing after “the worst” has happened, like the shoe finally dropped and at last you can put your attention on other things. what message emerges from my ramblings? how about “thank you, forest fire”.

#7

Heh. Been reading possum living the last few days to get ideas on how to make this work. there’s an HTML version out there, that I saved to my computer in case it ever went away.

And, eh, It’s not trivial to me now, but it will be in a few years, and it’s pretty trivial to anyone else.

One major issue my wife and I both have is that we have practically no ole models for how to make a marriage work. Almost everyone in both our families has been divorced at least once, and none of them are in current working relationships. My aunts and uncles have strong marriages, but they live far away. The sole example I have is my grandparents, so I know how a 30+ year marriage among retirees works. Miranda has it worse: there are no stable marriages anywhere in her history. We’re both committed not only to each other, but to not perpetuating the cycle, but we’re pretty much working from scratch and guessing. It doesn’t help that some of her friends suggest divorce to her every time there’s a fight. And that single life is glorified and we married young, “missing out on it” This is a pretty hard culture to keep a marriage together in. Man, maybe we should move this to the “relationships and marriage” section. I just meant to bitch about getting fired.

Here’s the kicker, for me. They fired me for a lack of professional growth and enthusiasm, but a month ago I came to them to get time off so I could get permaculture certified, something I was enthusiastic about which would grow the firm professionally, and they denied me. That’s fucking stupid.

#8

today i got my employment evaluation at the camping/backpacking/kayaking store where i work.

the owner of the store (makes more money than everyone else and is there less than anyone else) decided to put me on a 2 week employee probation because i am not enough of a “self starter” and despite making thousands of dollars for her through sales, she said i was costing her money (i make $7.00/hr with no health care). The manager who actually runs the buisness defended me but the boss didnt care.

So i quit right there. fuck them. I didnt give 2 weeks notice or anything, just walked out. My dignity is intact i guess, or whatever is left that i didnt already lose from being a wage slave.

So yeah, this thread came up at a coincidental time for me. Now i need to figure out what my next move is. whether i go to work with my friend at a restaurant or just decide to pack my backpack and take off again.

#9

yeah. and there lies the rub, throwing your best gifts (time, energy, mind, sometimes even heart) into somebody else’s mission and only getting back dry crusty nuggets, just ghosts of real human needs–dry kibbles (money) to trade for food, shelter, and hardly any time left to pursue what you REALLY need. you are so much more than a fucking cog.

heartbreaking.

(ouch! i sound like somebody’s sour corporate grapes!) enthusiasm? why should you expect to feel that? :-\

scavenger–i bet your next move feels more enthusiastic.

#10

No. To the “random complaint” subject. But of course I don’t have moderator capabilities.

#11

And, does this “bitch” even qualify as something that correlates with rewild? If so, I don’t see it. ???

#12

ugh, yeah, i’ve been in IT for close to 10 years now and the corporate push for “total engagement” is greater than ever. Employers don’t just want the job done anymore, they want your heart, mind and soul. What kills me is that I’d really be quite happy to commit to a community effort to fulfill mutual needs, but… a corporation? whenever i start to think about it, i have flashbacks to the early 80’s when i watched all of my friends’ dads get laid off.

i just can’t justify having that kind of loyalty to an institution that would happily sell me down the river for profit.

i figure my days are numbered, so i’m all about reclaimed time and making good use of my paycheck.

#13

[quote=“Neighbor Scout, post:11, topic:450”][quote author=Andrew Jensen link=topic=485.msg4967#msg4967 date=1191871375]
I just meant to bitch about getting fired.
[/quote]

And, does this “bitch” even qualify as something that correlates with rewild? If so, I don’t see it. ???[/quote]

I think it does. This is “grief” about the civilized world. I am expected to give my enthusiasm and loyalty to a construct that witholds the same from me, in exchange for trade currenccy, and if I don’t meet their unreasonable expectations, they withold the means to eat. I Hate how, when firing me, bosses talk about how “your a nice guy wh just isn’t working out here” and “I hope you find something that woks better for you”, as if they cared. As if being fied isn’t the equivalent of saying “go starve”.

It’s shit like this that makes me WANT to rewild. There’s got to be another fucking option. The only choices within civilization are wage-slave or owner class. Of course I don’t want to be the first, but Being the second requires forcing others to wage-slave for me. I would never want to force on someone else what I hate myself.

Additionally, I’ve got a few posts underr my belt to the effect of “well, some of us work wage-slave hours and don’t have time to do that.” It’s still true, of couse, but I’m not one of them anymore. Now my excuses will take the form of “my wife won’t let me” or “I’m to lazy.” In that regard this is just an update for my friends.

#14

A bit of background about me: I worked in the IT industry for over 15 years. I’ve been a wage-slave. My parents were Depression-era kids and stereotypical 1950s-style officeworker and homemaker. I did the “good little drone” thing of marrying, getting a job, and trying to “make a life”, then realized it was all for naught. Now, I’ve dumped all that shit - with prejudice! - and am creating a new life doing something wonderful, worthwhile, and enjoyable (teaching yoga), and am aiming towards a very paleo-style life (very rural/remote, hunting/gathering, close to nature, etc.).

That’s exactly what they said to you: “Our corporation needs to consume and produce more, and you aren’t assisting with full intensity towards that mission. You are a broken component of the machine. Therefore, we expel you like a waste product, and we don’t care what happens to you. If you starve, fine; if you find someone else to feed you, fine. Whatever. Get out; we don’t want or need you.” When a computer breaks, they fix it or throw it out (most likely the latter); they do the same with “human resources”.

What will it take for you to GO and rewild?

Nope; you’re wrong. There’s not another option; there are literally an infinite number of them. You’ve already tried one - being a wage-slave. Now try another. If it doesn’t work, try another. Etc.

Well, with that attitude, be prepared to die a lazy, cynical wage-slave who on his death-bed will think something like, “Wow. I never did rewild, did I? Instead, I sacrificed my dream and interests on the altar of society. sigh”

Change your attitude, and change your life.

My 2oz of meat…

#15

[quote=“Neighbor Scout, post:10, topic:450”][quote author=Andrew Jensen link=topic=485.msg4967#msg4967 date=1191871375]
Man, maybe we should move this to the “relationships and marriage” section. I just meant to bitch about getting fired. [/quote]

No. To the “random complaint” subject. But of course I don’t have moderator capabilities.[/quote]

I think this post fits this board just fine. It deals with more than just the relationship.

[quote=“Neighbor Scout, post:11, topic:450”][quote author=Andrew Jensen link=topic=485.msg4967#msg4967 date=1191871375]
I just meant to bitch about getting fired. [/quote]

And, does this “bitch” even qualify as something that correlates with rewild? If so, I don’t see it. ???[/quote]

I see a man coming to terms with the evils of the wage-slavery system. That kind of conversation definitely belongs here, in my humble opinion.

[quote=“hxaosanto, post:14, topic:450”][quote author=Andrew Jensen link=topic=485.msg4967#msg4967 date=1191871375]Now my excuses will take the form of “my wife won’t let me” or “I’m to lazy.” In that regard this is just an update for my friends.
[/quote]

Well, with that attitude, be prepared to die a lazy, cynical wage-slave who on his death-bed will think something like, “Wow. I never did rewild, did I? Instead, I sacrificed my dream and interests on the altar of society. sigh”[/quote]

hxaosanto speaks truly, Andrew. Try something, feel prepared to fail at it, and try something else. Eat the weeds in your yard. Do the Kamana program. Stalk squirrels in the city parks. One action will lead to another. Hell, use your boyscout troop as an excuse to try your hand at friction fires or even just making fires at all.

As much as I support mental rewilding as the first step in starting something new, I think your mind has already arrived. Now you have the chance to get some skills on.

I started my blog as a way to make myself feel accountable to doing things. I had read and read and read for ages, but once I stared doing, all the other doing got a little easier.

#16

The excuses thing was just a joke. I fully intend to use this as an opportunity to try out everything. My wife will prevent me from just heading off into the woods, but as long as I go slowly she wont freak out on me. Sometimes she’s surprisingly interested, such as my first attempt to skin an animal. And while I’m laxy, I’m the sort of lazy they describe in possum living, the kind of lazy that’s willing to do an extra hour of work now to save a days labor later; the kind that always asks “do I really have to do this”. If the answer is yes, then I do it, no complaints. If the answer is No, then I don’t bother.

My first goal is to start cooking real meals from scratch. Today is a success, as I write this I am eating the fruits of my labor.

My second goal is to start wandering freely every other day. I’ll drop my son off, pick a direction and see what I find. I’m hoping to find good foragables, help wanted signs in neat places, and for sale signs on empty lots or dilapidated structures.

The whole reason I joined my brother’s scout troop is to have an excuse to try rewild things out.

In my ideal vision, a year from now I’m doing contract work, only working when I need the money, and I’ve purchased a property cheap that I’m living in and improving, eating fresh salads from the garden and the occasional rabbit stew. Yeah. I’ve got all the time in the world now. My family isn’t ready to leave totally (even if I would be otherwise), but I think maybe we’re ready to accept that I don’t NEED to do the 8 to 5 thing in order to live well.

#17

not to go off on too much of a tangent, but my first exposure to “laziness” as a virtue was from Larry Wall (created PERL; comp geek) who stated that the 3 great virtues of all good programmers were: laziness, impatience and hubris.

taken in proper context, i agree with him wholeheartedly, those are excellent virtues!

#18

I beleive that most flaws are linked to strengths in ways that are hard to separate. The trick is to work in such a way as to minimize the flaw and play to the strength. For instance, I have “ADHD”, which really just means I’m distractable (and I react weirdly to stimulants, but thats a tangent). So I have trouble with anything long and tedious. At the same time, because my attention wanders, I pick up a wide variety of interests, skills and knowledge. And because I constantly switch attention, I’m more likely to apply knowledge from one area in another. This leads to finding connections others don’t, which they desccribe as “creativity”. But my “creativity” is caused by the same trait that makes me “unfocused”

I’ve always had difficulty with work for work’s sake. It’s silly on an individual level, but on a societial level it’s downright disasterous. What horrors are perpetuated in order to keep people employed? How many people work in industries that we would be better off without? How many cosmetic testers? How many advertisers? How many makers of cheap plastic crap?

And now, for the benifits of unemployment, wherein Andrew lists the things he did recently that he could not of done, if he had a job.

Walked son to school.
Gathered acorns on the way home for acorn bread
Cooked pancakes for breakfast.
Had wonderful sex before my wife went to work.
Went to lower priced locally owned grocery rather than closer, chain grocery.
Took afternoon nap
Cleaned, reorganized and rearranged kitchen into usable cooking environment.
Picked son up from school, went riding in bike together.
Cooked fahitas mostly from scratch (sadly, I can’t make tortillas yet.)

#19

[quote=“Andrew Jensen, post:18, topic:450”]Walked son to school.
Gathered acorns on the way home for acorn bread
Cooked pancakes for breakfast.
Had wonderful sex before my wife went to work.
Went to lower priced locally owned grocery rather than closer, chain grocery.
Took afternoon nap
Cleaned, reorganized and rearranged kitchen into usable cooking environment.
Picked son up from school, went riding in bike together.
Cooked fahitas mostly from scratch (sadly, I can’t make tortillas yet.)[/quote]

[size=14pt]Everyone look at this quote.[/size] This is a day fully lived! Food, family, sex, wandering…a good day!

You have my best wishes, Andrew! Keep us updated!

#20

Rock on, dude. I hope it just gets better for you from here on out.