I have before commented on how rewilding and these types of things affects our children in negative ways,always being down on the state of the world and such.It is very hard for me to ignore all the shit I see and hear about on our planet.My partner of 5 years who I have a son with has decided to leave me after a roller coaster ride of emotions.Some of the reason she has said is my continuing anger at the way the civ is.She has never been that into rewilding,she really likes all these civ things and does not seem to question it much.When we first met I was repressing alot of my anger and sadness because of the books I had read and folks I had talked tofor a long time said I should be happy and peaceful and blah blah blah.Then at some point in the last few years my repressed anger has come out in sometimes explosive ways.I am really not sure where I am going with this so i think I will end now and post again later.
I am new to the rewilding forum, but I am not new to these issues. I sympathize with your anger towards all the things that are not working in “civilization”. It’s really easy to spin out and get mired in the muck of it all.
Over time, I have developed a powerful process that helps me to transmute my anger, hopelessness, frustration . . . in such a way that I can move forward positively in a powerful way.
I’m going to share this process - not meaning to give you advice, but simply to share something I do that works for me. If it helps anyone, great!
First, I examine in depth what is bothering me - making me so angry, or depressed or whatever.
Next, I imagine in great detail what I want instead - what would the world be like if it was the way I want it to be? Who would I be, What would I do? What would I have? How would my life be different?
Through the process of clarifying my vision, I usually discover some action step, something I can do, that inspires and excites me - it’s important that this be something simple that is within my power to do - not something out of reach.
Also, through this process, I usually discover that at least some of the things I want, I already have, I just haven’t noticed because I’ve been focusing on what’s wrong.
Once I realize what I already have, my attention shifts, and I am filled with a deep sense of appreciation and enjoyment for these things. The feelings of anger and frustration melt away.
So now, instead of being mired in anger and hopelessness, I am in a near constant state of inspired action and appreciation.
Wow! Life is so much better for me now!
I used to follow to New Age/Liberal cliche that anger is almost always a bad thing, but after reading Endgame I have come to accept the existence of righteous indignation. Nevertheless, I feel like an angry disposition can often be counterproductive. I’m still trying to figure out the balance…
I am sorry that your situation happened the way it did and that your former partner could not be persuaded to see the deathlust inherent in civilization. I wonder how the situation is with the child (if you don’t mind my asking). Is he old enough to discuss civilization with him? Even in really basic ways like asking him if he knows where the things on his dinner plate came from or why his mother has to go to work so much, etc? If you are able to see him enough to instill the spirit of critical inquiry…
I am fortunate enough to work for myself so my son can most always be with me or his MaMa we also have very good friends and a Grandma to help out with things.I don’t talk alot of anti civ stuff to my kid because I don’t want him growing up in fear of his world.My father did that to me and my sister,always telling us the world is fucked up and never why.That instilled a bit of fear in me that I still deal with.My son knows meat is animals because I have always told him.He says he wants to hunt and eat what we kill.What just pisses me off is that our culture has gone away from family values so much that situations like mine are now the normal thing to do.Instead of working out problems with ones partner it has become ok and more desireable to just run away and be with self,which I have found to be no where near as powerful as a family working toward the same goals.
not to be presumptuous, but the best thing anyone with children can do is simply lead by example.
wait to discuss the deeper philosophies when he is old enough to ask about them. always be available, and always be truthful. kids aren’t dumb, but they can be fooled or lulled by too many smiley faces. i think we all started out wanting to believe in the good intentions of those around us, and are eventually disabused of those notions by the reality of what ‘dog-eat-dog’ means to this society.
when he’s old enough, he will of course choose for himself.
as for your wife, she clings to what she knows because it works for her. pity her. i hear you completely about the ‘being more willing to leave than change’ thing. our culture fosters it as the ideal, otherwise why would we ever toss the old for the new, shiny things? i also understand your anger, as am dealing with the same myself (although in my case it is more profound sorrow). if i ever get out of that trap, i’ll let you know!
as for the anger, perhaps you were unwittingly directing it AT her, or she somehow felt that you were. if the atmosphere is hostile, one can’t be blamed for leaving. due to her views, perhaps you are incompatible (owch!) as it is. it is almost imperative in a life partner that you both want to end up in a similar space, otherwise it’s more like tying two horses together by the tails. i’ve gradually been working on mine, as he already sees the contradictions because we are from similar (working class) backgrounds. but i have no idea if he wants the same things.
sorry…