Body moves by itself


#1

Since my third psychotic episode I can walk through my city without trying to force things through acting with a conscious desire, like you’re a bit bored and impatient and you long for some arousal so you consciously think like hmm what can I do, but I started focussing on my body and following it’s impulses and I wait until it acts almost by itself and It got to the point where I walk and it’s like my body is making a turn by itself or I feel like I need to stop. The second day of my third psychotic episode (I think psychotic is a pretty violent word though) I was like “hmm when I’m moving through traffic this might be dangerous” and it is but it’s weird how even in traffic your subconscious mind calculates things with the information of your senses. I don’t really care to explore this any further though so don’t worry. I just think it’s crazy how my body knows where and when to go and I can let my body take over control, for the most part (because you always have to use your conscious mind to act which is problematic because it constantly makes tiny or even big mistakes).

It’s pretty new to me, because I think I’m a pretty heavy conscious thinker, and very fearful. Now that I almost completely trust my body, some pretty amazing things have happened, for example my body went to this guru guy who always sits in a park and looks like the concept of a sturdy white god in the sky (I had visited him before so I knew). And it may seem pretty funny but today I went shopping!!! while following my body and it’s so weird :stuck_out_tongue:


#3

I have a variety of “mental illnesses”. In my own case, medication is one of the methods I use to maintain my ability to function in the world. I know people who have been able to recognize that they experienced reality in a way that was very different from how most people do and who were able to achieve a functional and happy state without using meds. And that’s great. Whatever works.
It is necessary, though, to monitor one’s own mental state(s). Getting hit by a truck or being incarcerated is not going to help anyone have a better life. Awareness of one’s surroundings is necessary - whether one is in the city or way out in the woods. Without endangering one’s self or others, without violating social norms to the point that one gets locked up, it is certainly possible to live with and enjoy one’s “insanity”. I know I do - I am actively engaged in rewilding my mind and sharing that with anyone who will put up with it.