Guess I have yet to find my link to spirit, either that or I always have it. Don’t really know. I don’t much have what you would call spiritual “experiences”. I do feel energy, chi whatever you want to call it, had that since the first time I ever heard of it and tried to feel it. I see purple light behind my eyes if I’m in what you might call alpha state. gained that skill, if you can call it a skill, it’s more of an indicator I guess, at yoga ranch doing breathing exercises. And I’ve taken Reiki I and II (hands on healing) which seems to work, but not always. I don’t use it often.
I know these things are just tricks and don’t necessarily indicate spiritual depth, but I don’t know what else to say. I talk to plants. (I get especially loose lips when under the influence of caffeine or alcohol!) but they don’t talk back to me so far. Built a fairy house once in the woods and didn’t see or sense any fairies but a psychic lady (who had no idea I did this) told me the fairies wanted to play with me. Made and took a tincture to see faries once, didn’t see any, but fell asleep in the yard in my underwear. Tried some of Tom Brown’s meditations but didn’t really get anything. Went on a vision quest once. Got impossibly bored and jumped ship after 30 hours or so, learned nothing except not to try that again. Fasted once for 7 days on a hill but for health reasons not spiritual. Came down during the middle of the fast and partied. Fasted another time for 14 days, again health, not spiritual, went to school, ran, and acted normal the whole time.
I’m getting father off topic here and breaking the positive rule I know but I guess I feel a need to vent. I’ve been to all sorts of spiritual/herbalist/energy/crystal/homeopathic/acupuncture/massage/chiropratic type people with mild-no discernable effects for my myriad health problems…But I can’t judge for sure because they were too expensive so I was never able to stick with it.
Went to a spiritual development group for awhile where everyone gave eachother psychic messages, but while they were entertaining and none of the messages really affected me or my life. I’ve read LOTS of spiritual books: Buddhist, New Age, everything…but I’m more into experimenting and tangible results than philosophy in case you couldn’t tell. I tend to believe in things like psychic powers, a spirit world, shamans who can heal etc. and believe that other people have these experiences, but lack faith that I ever will (and no I don’t believe that it’s because I lack enough faith that I don’t have the experiences. I’m always willing to try and I think that’s guilt-ifying purist bullshit.) I don’t meditate or go to a secret spot regularly. Start often but just can’t make myself keep it up, and I figure if a spiritual practice is something you have to make yourself do, there is a fundamental flaw there. I call such practices “unsustainable”…I believe Scout knows what I’m talking about and calls them “self-help” in one of his blogs.
So where does this leave me? Am I just lazy and scatterbrained unable to stick with anything long enough to know if it really works or have I just not found my path yet? Either way I’m not overly concerned with it at this point. I just want to practice my primtive skills. Maybe that is my path for now.