How do you deal with your observations of civ?

Visions of the Rewilding Renaissance Grief & Praise
#21

Does anybody else here experience depression or some other psychological stress due to recognizing that civilization traps us in a cage? I wake up every day and see metaphorical prison bars. I want to rewild, but without social support, I am reluctant to begin. I feel trapped between my goals and my immediate needs (i.e. I need to go to work, maintain my friendships, obtain most of my food, all within civilization).

How have others begun to untangle themselves from the web via direct action?

Message from ThunderTree:

Hi SilverArrow, :smiley:
I’m new to this rewilding forum. Like you, I too have difficulties removing myself out of the city for many physical reasons: I was diagnosed with a thyroid disease and despite my distaste for rx drugs, doctors warned me I will die if I don’t take them. Now I was recently diagnosed with adrenal fatigue. Ironically, being car-free has me even more trapped inside this city… so I would say we’re sharing the same metaphorical prison.
I wanted to practiced off-grid living and learned that I would be evicted if I turned off electricity from my apartment!
Another barrier I deal with in my lifetime is communication barrier. I am Deaf and fluent in ASL (American Sign Language)… and isolation is a serious problem for many Deaf folks scattered around the country. So, while for some folks, they love being alone and can cope with long period of time without socialization. My biggest fear was deprivation of a nice community who shares the same language. I’m almost forty now and I learned the hard way that majority of the Deaf folks I interact with are strongly city dwellers and love modern technology or gadgets, just cannot imagine living in a “boring” middle of nowhere land, etc.
It seems the older I get, the more I suffocate and yearn to get away from the artificial, plastic-life. I moved to the NW to be precisely in the mountains but when I went ground truthing (scouting the clearcutting tree farmed forest) in Mt Hood… I learned that it was all being cleared away and on a constant basis. I then hiked in Tillamook National Forest and 300 to 500 years “old” trees were also being cut down… everywhere I go… the forest is disappearing faster than I can blink.
My spirit felt a true psychic asthma-attack like you would not believe.
Finally, my deaf best friend and I re prioritized our goals… what is truly important to us? She loves horses and wants a farm… I love animals and wish to live in the country too. We’re giving ourselves 5 years to organize our lives to do whatever it takes, one step at a time to get to go where we need to go. Now, we’re doing tons of research and homework, constantly updating each other.
Most people do not believe in us that we can achieve this. We have our doubts but we dare to dream big. One of the most difficult things I find trouble in a small community is trusting other people. For years, I found it nearly impossible to get a small group of people to co-exist peacefully. There were always inner political issues… one does not want to do the work… that is something that I find problem with majority of people… after 47 different roommates… most of them scammed me whether it was sweat equity, doing favors, pitching in money for another roommate who illegally abandoned us, many of my things stolen ($16,000.00 worth), and so on… there may not be that perfect utopia of a the dreamy communal out there. Otherwise, there are thousands of communes that you could join that is quite semi-off-grid in remote areas. Just an idea here.

One of my hunch is that if I ever get to live on that farm with my best friend and her two children… I have a strong feeling there will be others out there who will be attracted to visiting us and then perhaps moving near us. Otherwise, it feels as if time is running out and my friends cannot pay my bills or make my dreams come true… I need to do that myself. I’ll always invite my friends old and new to visit… and to get invited once in a while too for the social stimulating gathering.

I wish you the best… if you are ever in Portland… do stop on by… and have a happy holidays.

Thundertree

#22

“Does anybody else here experience depression or some other psychological stress due to recognizing that civilization traps us in a cage? I wake up every day and see metaphorical prison bars. I want to rewild, but without social support, I am reluctant to begin. I feel trapped between my goals and my immediate needs (i.e. I need to go to work, maintain my friendships, obtain most of my food, all within civilization).”

After spending 5 years or so living about as feral as I can expect of myself (a two room cabin with a woodstove in the woods, growing/foraging my own food, hunting my own meat) I had to move back to the city to make money to pay off a legal debt (had I not paid it, I would have gotten sent to jail). I’m sticking it out for a few more years to pay off the debt and get enough to buy land free and clear. When I next head back… I was going to write “to the hills” but that rings wrong… home… I ain’t coming back except for the big “bring it down” party when this all goes south.

I hate every moment in this goddess forsaken urban scar on the land. The noise, the smog, the pavement, the lack of trees (Forest Park is a glorified tree museum in my book)… no elk, no salmon, no crayfish, no deer, no bears, no coyotes, no cougars, no stars, no forest, no beavers, no places to swim… this place will kill me if I stay to long. It’s a soulless place filled with soulless people and every day here I feel my heart getting harder and harder.

When I first moved here it was hard for me to re-adapt. First night here I saw a plump raccoon waddling down the street. My instinct had me reaching for my rifle… oh… yeah… right… Portland kind of frowns on that… crap.

My partner tries to make it better for me. She makes the effort to bring me to the woods. The last time I went I couldn’t stop crying. I spent an hour walking and crying knowing that I can only visit and that I have to go back… It’s horrible. I feel like I’ve had my heart ripped out. Even writing about this I’m starting to teer up.

So… I do the only thing I know how to do. I prepare. I get better at gunsmithing. I can food. I jerk meat. I tan hides. I brew mead. I raise my chickens and ducks. I learn new skills. I sharpen my saws and ax. I do everything possible to avoid having to even look at this city. I spend a lot of time pacing my cage and reminding myself one word “Soon.”

Damnit. I hate it here.

#23

Wow. Thank you both for sharing your stories. They are inspirational.

#24

:smiley: Minutes from the “Seattle Rewilders Club” meeting :smiley:
Discovery Park
3-5 pm, Sat. Dec. 15
Attendees: TrollSplinter, Fenriswolfr, Elferno, SilverArrow

  1. liquorice fern root
    a. It’s good for sore throats, as a tea; it is also a stimulant and soothes an upset stomach
    b. The fern grows on trees (living or dead), not in soil, as it is an … (something that starts with an E)
    c. If you chew it raw, it’s quite pungent
    d. You gotta dig out the roots; they don’t just pull out
  2. oregon grape root
    a. It’s a good general immunity booster (like goldenseal)
    b. Best as a tincture, can also be made into a tea
    c. In time, it will dry out so that it is painfully labor-intensive to chop
    d. Plant’s leaves look like holly
  3. nettle
    a. Can be eaten raw or cooked, but it’s yummier cooked; it is something like spinach
    b. You can even make tempura nettle (hmm)
    c. Do not just slap it onto your pants leg and try to roll the nettles out with your bare hands! (Rebecca “skillfully” demonstrated what not to do)
    d. Stalks can be made into cordage
    e. The nettles have little reservoirs of acid which injects itself under your skin, hence the rash. There are three ways to remove the acid from the leaves: cooking them, rolling them, or dressing them w/ basalmic vinegar :wink:
    f. Eat it when it’s young for maximum taste and nutritional value
    g. The plant can grow to be rather tall (as tall as Kestrel, in fact)
  4. evergreen huckleberry
    a. Grows on shrubs w/ waxy leaves
    b. Looks like a dark blueberry, but round
    c. Pretty much the most delicious thing ever
  5. wabbits
    a. Be vewwy quiet, we’re huntin wabbits
    b. If you set out snares, you will probably not kill a small child
    c. Bunny trails are not well hidden in Disco Park
  6. dandelions
    a. Leaves are best when young
  7. the “green” movement
    a. Is it a consumerist fad? Discuss.

If I’ve missed anything or got anything wrong, PM me and I’ll edit the info!

Also: TrollSplinter, Fenris, Elferno - what did you guys go over before I arrived? (Sorry I missed you, Elferno! We’ll meet eventually.)

#25

I made nettle tea, that was gud.

The ‘green’ movement, well, I think for your average person, their intentions are well, I also think, that it is def becoming capitalized on and will become increasingly so as the situation worsens. A news/blog site I follow repeatedly makes the case that with the green movement and clean green energy etc. comes clean green fascism. The more I think about it, the more I think he might be right, not to mention I think it can be denial of the problem as well.

#26

Mmm, how did you make it? Was it like a broth?

I’m thinking about making some wiki pages from this information. (None of these plants are on the wiki.) But if I have got any information wrong, someone please PM me about it. Thank you.

Now back to the topic…

#27

We pick a lot of nettles each spring. By the garbage bag full actually. We eat it fresh but we dry tons of it. Then use it for tea. Another thing we do with the dried stuff is keep a big jar of it handy for adding to soup. Just last night I ppoured a bunch into a wild turkey soup.

#28

I just dried it… then simmered it in water and put the leaves in it for about an hour.

#29

Resource (book):

My Name is Chellis and I’m In Recovery From Western Civilization
http://www.eco-action.org/dod/no10/books_chellis.htm
by Chellis Glendinning, 1994

(Note: I’m posting this in more than one thread; please excuse the repetition)

#30

Silver Arrow, I am impressed! Sometimes I don’t realize that people actually remember the things I say.

-The “E” word is epiphyte. An epiphyte is a plant that grows on plants.

-When making nettle tea just steep the dried or fresh leaves in boiled water. You don’t have to simmer them.

-Very important note, DO NOT eat raw nettle with out thoroughly crushing it first! Unless you want to experience some crazy shit.

Rebecca, you didn’t miss anything really, I had been gathering licorice fern root before you came. You missed some good conversation though.

#31

Hi everyone, I’ve been feeling like this more and more and more lately, especially since I started developing my understanding what civilization is not, what it denies. I feel hard, and defensive, and angry (and I don’t know how to deal with the anger especially), as a result of recognizing just how sick civilization is, how it hangs in the air, how pervasively it infiltrates everybody’s minds, and blinds them to happiness and intimacy. I’m affected by it; I respond to it at every waking moment (resist it, refuse to accept it, I’m always on the lookout for how it might tempt or influence me next, I’m always wondering if there are more civilizing past influences to weed out of my mind, and I don’t even think I know what to look for most of the time). And I think that responding to it in this way isn’t helping because it only locks me into the “game.” My nerves are frayed, my cells are screaming at me, my muscles are twisted up, and sometimes I worry that in my case civilization is winning, and then I feel trapped and very, very unhappy.

#32

I also really struggle with the question, “Which of the impulses and reactions I have are civilized, learned behavior and which feelings are simply human?” and it causes me so much anxiety and I feel so much pressure to sort these things out so that I can rewild. :-[ I feel like I can’t trust myself because civ has influenced me in some ways that may even be invisible to me. It makes me kind of paranoid.

All of these things have really been hurting me for a long time and now I can finally start to express them.

If anybody has gone/is going through something similar, please respond. Thank you.

#33

I think we have to do a lot of self awareness work to sort these things out. It takes time and willingness do some very hard “looking in the mirror” kind of work.

“…I feel so much pressure to sort these things out so that I can rewild.”

Fortunately, I don’t think it quite works like that. I think the process of doing the kind of work I’m talking about and “sorting these things out” is rewilding.

#34

On a certain level I can sense the wisdom in what you’re saying, heyvictor.

I think that my main problem is that I’m afraid of failure. Most “hippie communes” that aimed to “drop out” failed because people had not weeded power-politics from their minds. I don’t want to fail in the same way. :frowning:

Is fear of failure a civilized trait, or is it intrinsically human? Is it OK for me to fear failure? Hmmm… that’s not something I think I can answer right now.

#35

you know, my wife’s family is very competitive when it comes to games, but i’m not. that’s not to say i don’t try to do my best, but that’s as an attempt to, you know, do my best and try to improve on it.

you see, for most games there’s 5 possible outcomes

(1) you skunk the opponent(s)
(2) you win but it’s close
(3) you tie
(4) you lose but it’s close
(5) you get skunked

i always prefer the outcome to be 2,3, or 4. you’re most likely to learn something that way, even if you do lose. if you completely outclass someone (or vice-versa) i just don’t think it’s fun, because there’s so little opportunity to learn something new. so, for me, i tend to not play against the person, i tend to play against the game. i suppose it’s a subtle difference, but i think getting comfortable w/ failure might need a little bit of that thinking.

just my 2 cents.

#36

SilverArrow,
I just don’t think of this as being about failing or succeeding. A lot of people who were part of communes that didn’t work out still learned a lot from those experiences, I did. Then keep moving toward where you want to go.

I know everybody here has their own circumstances but I firmly believe that you just have to try some things to really find out about them. All the reading and studying can’t possibly show you what actually doing it will. It’s like the difference between reading about sex and actually making love with another person.

It’s just not about failure or success it’s about growth, and depth of experience.

#37

Considering there are also games that allow either every one to win or everyone to loose, or rather to promise a shared experience (for really what is winning without someone loosing?) and vice versa, you might look different at applying the philsophy of games on life and tribes and power-politics and all that.

I too though feel very lost and confused in this maze we’ve built. Though i find there are moments when i try NOT to care too much about what is right and what is wrong, what is civilized and what not, because that itself seems too artificial and black & white to me. Mostly you just feel it when you are out there and listening to the wind playing with the trees. No need to compress that experience into a model in which to place it.

That said. What bugs me most is, what to fucking do from here on? I dont really wanna be involved in any politricks and all that. There is not much room to live in the wild where i life anyway. Most life has already been either killed / domesticated / imprisoned and everything is poluted. Also i dont care for some silly idea of a perfect life, or that i should be like a different animal then the human i am. I just want to have my fucking home intact you know? So then there rises the anger. Anger against SOOO much. Because civilization has become all pervasive. Against all these noises. The anger is possibly the most difficult to cope with. Though i try and embrace/accept most angry feelings i get, it is difficult because of the way i cant find a good way to let them go. When they stay inside me for too long, i feel cold inside, dead like civilization, and then sometimes i feel like i dont care anymore. I stop feeling. This is what scares me most.

Well im off now ! take care…

#38

If it helps any, I used to think that civ was “wrong” and wild (for lack of a better word) was “right” - but it just shifted the locus of an unhealthy thought pattern (remember Quinn’s “there is no ‘right’ way to live”).

Now I contrast civ with rewilding on a kind of gradient scale, less black and white, although I have to say that on many fronts, civ and rewilding are so far apart that it might as well be B&W.

Common words I use to contrast civ with rewilding:

Does it “work” sustainably? (or not?)
Is it “healthy”? (or not?)
Does it “affirm life”? (or … not? :))

For life in/affected by civ, as you can guess, often I have to answer NOT, with practically no gray areas to speak of… but I also have to understand that on a personal level, rewilding is about traveling across vast expanses of gray area from a place that is at an extreme (civ’s pretty damn extreme) and it’s not an on-off switch.

Hope it made sense, and thanks everyone for the words … I’m over my funk.

#39

The depression I get from the state of things comes from my perception of my own short comings, but as much so from the dull suffering I see in so many others.

Sometimes I feel like I am wired to be sad. I spend conscious time trying to make new and risible–LAUGHABLE images or scenarios. But I am prone to sinking back into an emotionally crap state.

There have been so many pertinent responses, but I just want to say, I feel like I know what you are saying, and I haven’t gotten over the thing myself. Sorry it’s like this.